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The shapes that loom large then are revealed assomething else when the sun banishes illusion. I looked at myself in themirror. My lipstick was smeared. I looked like a tart. I'd fallen asleepwith the necklace on. The marks it left when I removed it just now lookedlike brands, a collar. And the lilies - face it. She'd had my apartmentbroken into. I knew what was happening. The engineer in me was incontrol. The part of me that liked lists, weighed alternatives, andassigned values had the tiller. Last night I had played a princess. No,the engineer would accept no falsehoods. I was a princess last night. Iwas no princess this morning.I'd taken an online psychological test in high school. The results said Iwas one of those rare individuals whose right-brain behaviors wereperfectly balanced by their left-brain behaviors. No wonder I was at warwith myself. All of me could agree on one thing. I wanted Natasha. I'dknown her for a week, and I was totally, helplessly in love. But therest? I. I wouldn't be able to live in this new existence if that happened.Ever since I wound up in this state, one that I never expected, it's been bungle after bungle that I've created. I really didn't want my ineptitude in this new way of life for me to doom my sister to hundreds more years of isolation.Sara, my sister. I liked the sound of that. I have a sister! Well, my collective of personalities woven into my Spirit has a sister. Peter is just as much a part of my Spirit as I am. So, because he is a part me, Sara IS my sister.Although it's almost like he's hidden somewhere back there deep inside of me. Perhaps he's hiding behind something like the curtain the Wizard of Oz used. He's just there, pulling all of the levers and pushing all of the buttons. Controlling everything. I do know Peter's there. I just don't really have contact with him.Well, Soon Lee was able to make contact. I can't wait for her to try again. Boy that was fun. I'm so looking forward to another splitting migraine.
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